How did your RJ start?

Hello, I would like to ask you if you could share how you remember your RJ started/ what was the trigger..

I think the biggest factor of it, at least for me, was my own insecurity about not being special so my brain would try to find evidence for it. However, my RJ started because my ex was mentioning his ex A LOT, on the first date, during conversations, he would tell me she was the most positive influence on him, he even managed to mention her somehow in " love letters" for me and so on 🤪... So I dare to say my ex had a part in activating the RJ eventually... I never cared to ask him about the exes.. it was him telling me too much details all the time.. And despite reassuring me " he's over her".. in the end it turned out it was not fully the truth and my intuition was right...

So this makes me believe RJ might not be always " our fault" ... I feel like there might be something our partners are doing that are somehow deepening the insecurity within us and feelings of UNSAFETY which lead to RJ.

I wonder if the relationship you are in while having RJ is totally healthy as well.. are you needs being met in it? Is your partner making you feel secure in the relationship? Because for me it kinda feels like my RJ was so strong because the relationship was not healthy for me, but maybe I'm an RJ exception!