TIFU took a gas station boner pill drink

So about last week I went to a Walgreens-Urgent Care combo since my partner needed to get a urine test for a UTI. While waiting around for the appointment to be finished, I ended up looking in the sexual wellness section because I needed lube and sometimes like to laugh at the strange male sex health products.

Since all I hear about gas station boner pills is that they’re snake oil and do not do anything, I had the bright idea of trying one out. I spotted one on the shelf that seemed the most interesting, the Extenze Original Formula Male Enhancement drink. Cherry flavor to top it off. The package was covered in a strange sticky substance (should’ve taken it as a sign) but said screw it, grabbed it and checked out.

That drink sat in a cabinet for a week but we both agreed to try it out when the UTI passed and we were both in the mood. That day finally came and I grabbed that bottle, ripped the top off, and took a massive swig like I was in the desert and dying of dehydration.

The first 30 minutes, I felt nothing. After that, I entered hell.

That shit made me feel like the incredible hulk. That shit made be feel like the terminator. That shit made me feel like the predator. That shit made me feel like max payne. That shit is what Hunter S Thompson was on when he was writing The Rum Diary. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest and I do not know if it was even beating in time. I thought I needed to go get an EKG but took a muscle relaxer instead to kill the feeling. Probably one of the worst feelings I’ve ever had and I do not recommend it.

TL;DR:

Took a gas station boner pill, felt like I was going to have a heart attack. Never doing that again.