The Crazy Avoidant

He opened his eyes, feeling terrified as he stared at the bathroom door. The sound of a door opening with such force further made him scared. He flinched and decided to go underneath the blanket. He began breathing heavy and his eyes started to widen. The landlord's footsteps echoed through the walls, it was seven am. He feared the worse as he grabbed the cellphone to see what day of the week it was. As he looked at the phone screen, a shock and utter terror thumped in his chest. He couldn't believe what day it was. The day was Saturday. He could've sworn that today was his off day, but sadly it was a day in which he would have to somehow go downstairs and interact then dart to the car. He trembled at the fact that he would have to talk to the landlord. Most people rented rooms to feel comfortable and sleep well; while he rented a room just to sleep in. Work was going to be easy today, but the only thing that troubled him was trying to figure a way to dodge the landlord.

He was relatively a good tenant that stayed to himself, but there were plenty of awkward moments that led him to believe that isolation was the best option. At first when he moved in, he attempted to be nice as possible. Things seemed fine at first until he noticed that the landlord had an uneasy look on her face. The look had stuck with him and often made him more avoidant. He dread the fact that he was back in a similar position of uncomfort from the previous rooms. Now he was attempting to avoid his landlord while trying to feel an ease of comfort in the room. Today was already starting off bad, he was suppose to setup an alarm so he could leave out the door and not worry about speaking to anyone. He cursed himself for not being prepared. He just stood in the bed thinking about how in the hell was he going to leave without being seen? He couldn't jump out the window and go around and get to his car. He only had two options , one was to face his fear and be nice as possible while leaving. The second one was to wait in the room and see if the landlord would hopefully leave before he had to go to work. His mind was racing and fear was only beginning to get worse. He decided to get out of bed and head towards the bathroom.

As he walked, the feeling of intense terror strolled right beside him. He didn't bother to turn on the bathroom light and instead just sat lazy on the toilet . He decided just to sit there on the toilet after pissing. So much worry and fear appeared to be taking a toll on his mind. He looked near the shower door and couldn't help but think catastrophic . He thought maybe he should just kill himself that way he wouldn't have to face the landlord. Or he could skip work today and stay in bed all day and attempt to find peace for his troubled mind. He had enough canned tuna to last him for a good week or two. Anger was now settling in as his face turned mad. Somehow he felt as if he put himself into a binding situation and that this so called place was a prison for him. Anger and suicidal ideation was now at the forefront of his mind. How could it get crazy so soon for him? Why couldn't he just get ready and walk out and head to the job and feel normal ? Why on earth was his mind playing the suicidal tricks on him? He could go for days asking himself countless questions as to what lead to the madness but that wouldn't help. He had medication to soothe the mind but refused to take then.

If only if he had a place where he could go to and not worry about awkwardness and feel like he were at home. He started to shortly fantasize over a ideal place that was suitable for a person like him. He would give an arm and a leg for an ideal place. Then maybe his mind wouldn't be going crazy and suicidal . He arose from the toilet and didn't care to flush. He walked out the bathroom and proceeded to the window. It was such a beautiful day as he seen the sun shining and cars passing through the streets. The outside appeared perfect but inside the room was thoughts galore that seemed to trouble him. Sadness was the emotion now settling in. He yearned for comfort and just to feel good for a change . His previous stints were horrible and to top it off he went through a horrible relationship that only made him feel worse. His ex was doing finer than wine, while he was on edge. It always seemed like life was closing in on him.

Before he could think next on what to do, sounds of other people coming into the apartment was there. He couldn't tell how many people were in the house now. Now he really wanted to off himself. He surely did not want to work today. Nor did he want to even attempt to go downstairs for anything . Forget the tuna , he rather just be hungry and stay in the room all day. He thought about what did he have that could give him the best way out of living. He looked near the room and seen the pills. Pills aren't always guaranteed to be successful. He had a belt but where could he successful hang himself. Then it dawned on him, he feared death so he could never bring himself to do it . Maybe he should just try to jump out the window and run to his car, then just never come back? He could just sleep in his car after work and pay the last month's rent. He had to think of something .

The voices from downstairs seemed to be getting louder with laughs and conversation . He was pacing back and forth on what to do next. What could he really do ? So many emotions were being juggled , he could literally feel his mind cracking underneath the immense pressure. His eyes started to widen again and all sorts of thoughts came crashing into his psyche without warning. He was shaking his head and saying no to the walls. He pointed his finger at the bathroom and blamed the toilet for all of this. He then turned around and got on one knee and pleaded for a miracle from the outside . Tears were rolling down his face . He was hysterical . He quickly got up on his feet and raced to the bathroom then raced back to the window. He laughed and jumped on the bed . He mocked the walls and the carpet . Rolling his eyes at every little thing he seen in the room. He didn't care if he was insane or not at this time. He then stared at his room door and decided to do the unthinkable . He opened the room door and decided to walk downstairs. Everybody from downstairs quit talking and just stared at him. He grinned while walking downstairs , waived a little , then hurried the pace to the door.

The landlord was saying something to him but he bothered not to listen. He opened the front door and ran like a maniac to his car. He got in and drove insane. He didn't know where he was going . He didn't even have his wallet on him. He was coming close to a street light that was red however, he didn't seem to be slowing down . As he was reaching near the intersection , he continued to drive and looked upwards. Cars was flying past the intersection and seconds later he closed his eyes. As the car reached the intersection the car was smacked around twice. He smiled while feeling the crushing blow , glass was broken , and the car denting. Another car hit him from the right side and then that's when all became black.