How I’ve Made Unbelievable Progress

TL;DR: meds

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Ok, I can’t tell you how long I have had a shopping addiction.

As a child I used to write down all the things I wanted and it would fill pages and pages of a notebook.

As a young adult, I got a steady job early and made good, reliable money with steady progression and promotions. Despite an exemplary career, I can go on and on about stupid (financial) decisions I’ve made due to my shopping addiction) through the years.

An example of one of the worst: I’ve taken money out of my retirement account (twice!) to buy handbags (and pay off cards that I charged up again) - this having been a finance major and KNOWING that was a terrible thing to do to my future self.

I’ve risked my marriage and overall have very negatively affected my life and those I love.

I am a shopping addict. I am a compulsive shopper and debtor. I am also a hoarder (though not like you see on TV - I fit the diagnostic criteria).

I had been diagnosed as depressed a few times during the years, but I can’t blame my shopping on that alone.

I thought I didn’t have anxiety bc I’ve never had an anxiety attack, but recently it’s been brought to my attention that I have other behaviors that qualify as anxiety.

In the last 4 yrs or so, I started to ask my docs about ADHD but was told because I wasn’t diagnosed as ADHD as a child, I couldn’t have it - it doesn’t onset as an adult. (I was hyper as a child. As an adult, I started to be concerned about the lack of productivity at work. )

I began getting truly fed up with my shopping addiction about 1.5 yrs ago when I had to purge my ridiculous cosmetics and skincare hoard.

I began getting fed up with my adhd about 2.5 years ago. But when I asked my docs about it, they told me to F off (more or less)

Recently, I got a new psych who actually listened to me and observed me. She gave me Ritalin which I told her didn’t seem to be having the impact I expected. So, she changed me to Adderall.

I’ve been on it about 10 days and I can’t tell you how LIFE-CHANGING it is to be treated (medicated) appropriately.

Since then, many times I’ve been able to talk myself out of purchases I would have found-a-way to make happen. I could only previously do this by basically NoT exposing myself to anything I wanted to buy. Avoidance.

Now, I can see the things. Want the things. Put them in and out of my cart. Check Affirm to see the payments. And THEN - back out. Not make the purchase. After looking at the item for hours (Or days), I don’t buy them. Yes, I’ve still bought things I didn’t need, but the quantity and amount has been reduced probably by 90%.

It’s amazing. And freeing. Being treated for depression, mild anxiety (Wellbutrin) and adhd (Adderall) all at once, with the correct mix of meds - it has changed my life. I feel so much hope for the future.

Yes, it’s a little early. Yes, I’d like to get to a point where I’m not wasting hours of every day thinking about shopping. But for now, getting my ADHD treated - I can already see the change.

I wanted to tell you all and share with you all in case you’ve been hesitant about seeing help with the behavioral health side (specifically with medication).

If you’ve been thinking about it - I encourage you to do so & don’t be afraid to try something else if what you’re started on doesn’t work. When it clicks- you’ll know it. 🥹