Declining rapidly

Majority of what could be wrong with a 26 year old is wrong with me. Bad habits from my younger years I still possess. A lack of achievement and social skills have oppressed me. My mind is in pain and is weak. All I do is procrastinate and waste time. I've endured so much trauma that numbness feels good. I see that God delaying me being in my deathbed is an injustice. I only think of revenge. Oh yeah, and I'm poor. I'm closer to death than life itself but I look healthy. I hate this. Living isn't for everyone. Only on this planet and only the human species can live such a life as this. My spirit and soul is dead and my body shall soon follow.