After doing a ton of research I finally found out what illness drew has

Chronic Lazebro Syndrome also know as (CLS)

Description: Chronic Lazebro Syndrome is a rare but increasingly common condition that primarily affects individuals who refuse to get a job, spend excessive hours gaming on a PS5, and develop an intense allergy to child support payments. This condition is most frequently observed in men named Andrew Jenkins, though it has been reported in other cases.

Symptoms: • Permanent Headset Attachment Syndrome (PHAS): The patient refuses to remove their gaming headset, even in the shower, leading to permanent indentations on their skull. • Controller Claw Hand: A severe case of muscle memory where fingers automatically reach for a controller, even in social settings. • Respawn Delusion: The belief that real-life responsibilities, like bills and parenting, will simply “respawn” or reset if ignored long enough. • Job Aversion Disorder: A strong, involuntary reaction to job applications, often causing dizziness, nausea, and the sudden urge to “grind for XP” instead of a paycheck. • Child Support Evasion Reflex: Uncontrollable flinching and ducking whenever the words “child support” are mentioned, often followed by sudden Wi-Fi disconnections. • Mountain Dew Dependency: A diet consisting solely of energy drinks and instant noodles, leading to extreme dehydration and a greenish tint to the skin. • Couch Fusion Syndrome: The inability to separate from the gaming chair or couch due to prolonged inactivity, often requiring emergency intervention by family members.

Treatment: • Immediate forced exposure to fresh air and sunlight (though patients may hiss like vampires). • A strict gaming detox program, involving actual human interaction and—God forbid—a resume. • Intensive training in holding a broom and/or filling out a W-2 form. • Legal intervention to ensure child support payments are made before a full-blown case of “Deadbeat Disorder” sets in.

If you or someone you know is suffering from Chronic Lazebro Syndrome , seek help immediately before they reach Prestige Level 99 in Avoiding Responsibilities.