I (M25) found unopened condoms in my girlfriend’s (F27) car and need advice

Warning in advance, this is a long read.

I copied this post I made from over on another sub, tweaked some things and added some new info. I just need advice at this point on how to move forward.

My girlfriend and I share a car. We also don’t use condoms. The other day, as I was putting my backpack in the back seat, I noticed 2 unopened condoms on the ground… they have an expiration date of 2029, meaning they must’ve been bought fairly recently. Also, since there’s only 2 and condoms come in packs of 3, that means one’s been used. I asked her about them when I saw her, and she seemed genuinely shocked and surprised. She acted just as confused as I was.

Knowing how bad the situation looked, she instantly reassured me and told me that she would never cheat on me. She even went as far as offering to turn on her location for me, to take pictures of where she’s at from now on, etc. She did all of this while looking me deep in my eyes, and telling me that she loves me and that she’s sorry that this “freak accident” was happening. She told me she was afraid that I would think that she was cheating and that I’d leave her, as that’s her biggest fear. She raised every green flag, and did a great job putting me at ease in the moment.

My problem is with her explanation as to how they might’ve gotten in the car.

She moved out of her ex’s house and in with me after a mutual break up with him 7 months ago. (For added context, she told me from the beginning of our relationship that the break up was healthy, and that they’re on good terms with each other. They dated for 4 years. They share animals, so they both remain in contact for them and for her items that are still in his house.) We started dating a few months after they broke up. She moved in with me a few weeks ago, and she’s been slowly moving her stuff over since. She used her car to transport most of her belongings, either in boxes or loosely. She has a lot of stuff, so there’s still boxes at his house. From what I gathered, she said that he keeps condoms in a box under his bed and in their shared clothes drawer, and when she went to his house to pick up her stuff (she was moving out), she says that the box under the bed spilled when she was grabbing things. She reasoned that the condoms could’ve accidentally got packed into either a new box from the spill, or was wrapped inside of her weighted blanket that she threw in the back seat and they accidentally fell out somehow. That’s the only thing she says she can think of. She said that it’s only a guess, and that she’s genuinely confused and not even sure if that’s how they got there. She even went as far as wondering if her ex might’ve put them in her blanket or one of her boxes on purpose to stir the pot, even though she said that he isn’t the type of person to do that.

But the situation just recently got more complicated, and now I’m not worried about her ex, but an old FWB she’s had.

As it turns out, she has a history of pathological lying. She admitted it herself and said that she went to therapy for it for a while. I told her that I would be okay with her working on it as long as she is transparent with everything from here on out. She has lied to me about some of her past interactions with her ex, and about the intimacy level of a relationship with a FWB she had right before we started dating, and who she kept around as a friend. He owed her money, which is a valid reason. The most they ever seemed to do was send memes on Instagram.

But what is HIGHLY suspicious is that after I approached her about the condoms, she deleted all of the messages between them on all socials… She said that she did it right when I asked her to go no contact with her ex and the FWB, which doesn’t make sense. Why would you delete the messages during a possible cheating scandal unless you were hiding something?

When I confronted her, she lied about it a little more before saying “I did it because I’m afraid you’ll see something you don’t want”. I told her that I don’t care about their past since it was before we got together, but that I want to see if there’s anything suspicious that they sent recently.

After I recovered their SMS messages, I didn’t find anything sketchy that they sent. Their Instagram chats are gone with no way to recover. But like I said, those seemed to just be memes from what I’ve seen before.

This is where it gets really bad.

Today, she came up to me and said “I want you to know that you can trust me, and so to help build trust, I want you to know that I unfriended [FWB Name] on Snapchat.” I said “thanks, but can I see your chats?” I asked her to add him again, and saw that their conversation said that she set their chats to “delete after viewing” (!!!) right before she unfriended him. I asked her why it said that, and she denied it again for a little bit before telling me that “I did it so that you wouldn’t read what we sent months ago. It was stupid of me but I didn’t mean it to be suspicious.”

In what universe does that make sense? She’s very intelligent, there’s NO way she doesn’t know that’s not how it works.

But, once again, she maintains her innocence in the matter. She admits to lying about these things, but insists that she would “never, ever cheat on me.“ She is beyond convincing. She is shamelessly and guiltlessly offering me tons of reassurance and support through my questioning. What she’s saying to me feels sincere, but the evidence is stacked against her.

This is where I’m torn. Her actions are WAY too suspicious, and her words are WAY too comforting. Like, if she is cheating, it’s beyond the normal level of deception. I’m beyond confused and don’t know what to do next. This is an amazing relationship, I want it to work out. I want to trust her. But things aren’t adding up…

Any advice on what to do next would be greatly appreciated. I just want this to be just a big misunderstanding but don’t know what to believe anymore. Thank you all.

TL;DR: Girlfriends actions are displaying signs and evidence of cheating, but is denying it and being extremely reassuring through it and I don’t know what to do.