I'm going to quit kratom

I know it's not the most extreme. I've always been a casual drug user, mainly psychedelics but also would dabble in pills (addy & clonopin) and things like phenibut, ketamine, etc. The only drugs I've used compulsively/excessively are marijuana, lsd, and now kratom.

I used to say I was using it like coffee, but I'd still drink caffeine on top of it. I used it for energy because I do not get good sleep as well as for anxiety. Lately it just puts me back at zero. It doesn't give me energy but makes it so I'm not lethargic from not having taken the kratom. I've been using probably 30-50g daily for around two years. I wanted to quit last week, but I have some important obligations coming up this week that I can't afford to be sick/fucked up mentally through so I've planned to slowly take less throughout the week and stop taking it after Friday. The 15th will be my first day off of kratom.

I can't hang out with friends for more than a few hours without needing to cut it short so I can go dose or running off to the bathroom and bring my backpack. It makes my breath stink and stains my fuckin shirt, I carry a nasty ass spoon and cup everywhere I go. I don't look good, I'm only 23 and I look like shit. My eyes are dark, a girl told me I had a sadness in my eyes like I used to be addicted to drugs. I didn't tell her that I have to take kratom every five hours. I was the one to end the date because I was crashing hard. There's a recovery group I go to for trauma recovery because I come from a family of addicts and my parents were alcoholics. My brother died from meth OD and my best friend from fentanyl poisoning. When my brother was in meth psychosis he would try to break into my room at night to confront/fight me. He wrote in his journal he wanted to kill me. We were so close before that. Seeing things like that made me feel like taking kratom wasn't a big deal. But if I don't take prozac because I don't wanna be dependent on the pharmacies, why should I be comfortable being dependent on kratom and smoke shops? I have a study abroad coming up in the summer, I can't waste my time abroad figuring out when/how I'm gonna take my kratom. I've been having a hard time letting go, but I need to. In a way I don't really want to stop, but I'm going to because I have to and I want my life to be better day-to-day.

I would appreciate any reassurances, any further advice, and I'd like to hear your stories, especially if you've been through something similar with kratom. Remind me why it's worth it.

I know it's not like a hard drug or anything, my problems has always been with drugs that feel "safer." I sometimes feel shameful over participating in these communities when I don't have the same experiences but I need to stop judging/shaming myself on behalf of others. I feel the need to tell people about it because it brings about a sense of accountability if I set that expectation for myself within others. I'm willing to let myself down more than I am other people