Seeking Advice for paying off debt

Greetings reddit,

I wanted to ask, I was informed from my wife that she has racked up 33,000$ in credit card debt behind my back. Now, just to be clear, I love this woman. Our relationship is another issue. We are going to work to rebuild trust and I've decided I'm going to stay with her. However, in the meantime, I am seeking financial advice to fix the financial portion and cleanup the mess she created. Outsourcing this one to the crowd. I make $100,000/yr before taxes. I currently have roughly $3600 a month coming out after the mortgage and bills are paid, and I get paid bi-weekly around about $5600 total. I have $129,000 in my 401K, and she has about $30K in hers. Now, I am wondering, since this is out of my financial wheelhouse, what would be the best option here, we can't get a home equity loan so can I pay off the credit card debt with her 401K, what is the tax penalty on that and who would we owe? The IRS? Would I just be kicking the can down the road. In the meantime she is working to get a job. Or would we be better off letting it go to collections or getting on some sort of payment plan with the credit card company?