Not meant to be a nurse

Hi all,

I think I need to look for another career. I’ve been an RN for a year, only working for a few months. I hate it. I hate everything about it.

I had a job I liked in a procedural area but they said due to my lack of experience I had to work elsewhere for a year and then I could come back. The job I’m doing now makes me so incredibly anxious. I have panic attacks multiple times a week, I had to increase my SSRI, I’m restarting therapy, but I still just feel miserable. I’ve been on orientation for probably 2-3 months now and the thought of going off orientation scares the hell out of me. I work in post-op for outpatient surgeries but we also get bed waits too so sometimes I get sicker patients that need rooms on the floor.

I want to quit being a nurse. Nothing about it brings me joy. I used to love people. I get lots of good feedback from pts about my bedside manner and how kind I am, but they don’t see all the other shit that I’m messing up. This job isn’t even bad, I just hate it. I’m on days, no weekends, I get some holidays off. I don’t know why I’m so miserable. I don’t know if I need to try a clinic or if I should go back to school or what. But the thought of trying to stick this job out for a year makes my whole body feel numb. I have so much anxiety over forgetting to do something and sending someone home when they’re not ready and hurting someone or losing my license or going to jail. My mental health is TANKING and I don’t know how to continue anymore. I’m not suicidal, but I just feel completely overwhelmed and hopeless.

If anyone has any advice I’m all ears. Please.