Letting go of fear of judgement

My partner (mtf) came out to me about a month ago, and I have been wrestling with some fear and anxiety related to it. I only very recently started to identify that 99.9% of my negative feelings were related to fear of judgement and loss of relationships from people who are not worthy of that much emotional catering on my end.

For a long time, I have worked to manage others’ perceptions of me to match what they wanted and expected from me, especially my parents. Because deep in my heart, I am actually happy about this. My partner is becoming the girl they want to be, and I love her just as much as I have loved every version of my partner up to this point.

In a way, I feel relieved by the courage this journey is going to help both of us have to be more authentically ourselves in spite of what society and others may want us to say or do. I wrote this down and wanted to share in case anyone ever felt the same.

For so long, I have considered how others will think and feel about the actions I make, almost above what I genuinely want. To the point where sometimes I wonder if I know what I really want. I am not going to let the fear of judgement cloud my mind or influence my decisions anymore, because ultimately, the burden of that action falls on the one judging. Fuck ‘em. Life is too short dude, just be yourself. Nobody gets to decide who that is but you.