This Christmas and overall year has been the worst time of my life

At least I didn't have trust issues when I was celebrating with my abusive parent, I knew where I stood there. Now I don't know who to trust or what to think. I just want everything to be over. I would've drowned myself in the pool yesterday if it wasn't for the one person who actually cares about me.

The only reason I haven't killed myself this year is because I don't want my best friend to go through all the feelings that come with a dead loved one.

I genuinely feel like she is the only one who actually cares, and right now, all I know is that this Christmas had been the worst. This year over all has been the worst year of my life, and it's a shitty comparison to other people's experiences but I really just need support