I'm constantly having panic attacks at night about Death and it's burning me.

I'm a 21 year old male. Since I was a kid I was pretty conscious about life and everything. I've been always curious about life. About what we don't know. Even from the earliest days of my life I can remember I didn't wanna grow up. My mom used to say when she feed me, "eat this last bite otherwise u won't grow up quick" always my respose was I don't wanna grow up because I end up dying eventually.

This concept of dying had in me for so long. I can remember there was a time when I was at grade 7, I had a whole month filled with panic attacks. I couldn't even sleep at night. Even in the evenings randomly I get panic attacks. Like this was so frequent I couldn't even focused on my school work. But it went away eventually.

I describe my panic attacks like this. If I had a chain of thoughts at night, then I remember that "man I'll be end up dying some day. Not today but anyday that would happen". And I might be end up in hell where pain for eternity. I haven't done anything bad or anything in my life. I don't even kill a mosquito. (I was raised in a heavy buddhist environment) Then I get this feeling of hotness besides of my neck, then it spreads all over my body like burning alive and then it feels like im choking and drowning. Then I start gasping for air and get up if I was sitting or lying in bed. Then I might tap into my head saying to myself "fuck fuck don't think about those bitch" while im walking round and round in my living room.

These last few years been tough for me. I failed my Advanced Levels exam and tried to do again while doing a job at a pizza hut because I did wanted to be a burden to my parents. In the end I couldn't do the exam because I was so exhausted. Then I tried to do again with less tiring job. And that's also didn't worked. I wasted 2 years of my life. I wanna end myself. But with this panic attacks and fear of death keeping myself away from that too. Even if I didn't had these I prolly won't do it too tho.

For like a month I started getting these so frequently. Now I can't even handle these anymore. Idk what to do now

P.S - Ik this is so long sorry for that. I just had another panic attack. As a summary, I always had panic attacks about Death since I was a kid. It become more and more frequent by the day. And I can't handle it anymore