Should I leave my doctorate off my RESUME when applying to clean toilets?

I have been trying to find the worst possible job because I am tired of the thousands of job applications I have been making without interviews.

I am still trying to figure out what to do at this point.

I am looking for part-time, night-shift janitor jobs to bring in enough money to buy groceries for my three kids while we get evicted from our house.

Yes, I returned to university to get a doctorate in May because I thought that would be an opportunity that would lead to work—no such luck. I will be reaching ABD in a few months.

At least my GPA so far is the equivalent of an A+

WTF!

The doctorate is in Business Administration.

I have 25 years of high-paid - corporate business experience ranging from Software Developer to Interim CTO.
I have had two nearly back-to-back stints of 9 months each (this time around, it is approaching a year) of unemployment after COVID-19, which has brought me to my knees and made me face bankruptcy due to my finances going off the rail during COVID.

Yes, this is a 100% serious post.