How do I move on from this emotional discomfort

My mom dad both have been full time busy doctors , they were only available to me when I was around 9-10 and then they just got busy and never really took time to talk to me , my mom is even more distant from me emotionally . My grandma raised me till 9 yo because of some reasons and then my parents brought me back with them , I was fine for some years but then I just got disconnected from them also my sister was born and they just stopped giving me the love , and now I am 18 years old I feel like the more I am becoming adult the more I need someone’s hug , most of the days I am like I just want my dad to hug me because I am super stressed about something but also I don’t have guts to go and sit with him , it’s always the awkward weird feeling but at the same time I want him . I just don’t like my mom , she is only attached to my sister , my parents never really taught me anything never spent good quality time with me , they should have been there when I was 13 and wanted their love but all I was getting was comments from my mom about how chubby I am , they always told me physically the love people show is always fake and they think because they pay for my education that’s just equivalent to parents love , I am still connected mt my grandma but she isn’t staying with us . How do I move on From this ???? I feel jealous when I see my friends dad Spendint time with them and it hurts me to the core