I need help.

I hate how my voice sounds and how my face looks, I feel like I'll be alone forever because even though my friends say I look nice, there's some kid in my class who has more friends and even a girfriend while I'm just an idiot who acts weird. I'm always ashamed of not doing what I should have done. Every time I try to help someone, it just makes their situation worse. Every attempt at humor I make gets booed. Every time I try to talk, every point I have just disappears. Everything I do is fucking worthless, and gets worse every time I try to make it better.

I just wish I could smuggle some human growth hormones from the store and cure myself from looking too young. I fucking hate this miserable existence, where I'm just alone forever. Even this subreddit probably hates me now because I can't do anything right. I almost didn't mention that I hate being autistic and having ADHD, because everyone will laugh at me even harder. I can't even talk about how I hate everything because I posted memes here that were supposed to be motivational, but were just laughed at, like everything I do. I want to starve myself and get thinner, but my parents would notice. The suicide hotlines take too long to answer. I can't even pray anymore, because I can't believe in God. If suicide wasn't painful, and if I didn't have asperations, I'd probably be six feet under while someone else, someone better for society, someone who can actually socialise with other people, enjoys all the oxygen that I'm wasting.

Please believe me. I never told anyone any of this because no one will take it seriously. I'm honest to God, if the notion can be entertained, that it wouldn't be suprising if you all just laugh at me.