TIFU by angering the demon-king of Florida, becoming an enemy of the IBS, and getting dysentery from a hamburger.

So, I (29M, born pre-collapse) was having an ordinary day, fleeing out of the borders of the Imperial British State (IBS) territories in the former US, in a stolen food delivery vehicle, as you do, when I accidentally crashed into the house of a random guy while drinking some cups of tea, and some fish and chips that somebody left in the truck.

Turns out, this guy was actually Dale, the demon-king of Florida (also works in accounting down in Hell) and he got really pissed off, tried to shoot me with a shotgun.

I ran off, and ran as far as I could, he's also now sent a death warrant to all of Florida on me.

So now I've became an outlaw in two micronations.

Thankfully, I outran them, it took me several days, but I outran them.

I hid out in an abandoned McDonalds, and I was starving to death at this point, so I decided to rummage around the building, and I found a Big Mac.

It looked clean. I ate it.

Turns out, I'm not a good judge of character, or however the saying went, since the burger turned out to be infected, and now I have dysentery.

TL;DR I'm currently shitting blood, I've got a death warrant on me from the IBS, there's a group of angry drunk fathers riding atop alligators and crocodiles--wielding every gun known to man--after me, and I'll likely die of the dysentery before they even catch me anyway. Word of advice, don't be me, guys.