Not doing well. You’re not alone.

I finally was in a good place. I got on the right antidepressant, I had energy again, I was juggling all the responsibilities of life and things that felt like so much effort before were finally easier. Then all this crap hit. It’s been a rapid and steady downward trajectory in my mental health. I could feel myself slipping and have been trying my best to keep my momentum, but the rug has come out from under me. Months of progress gone in weeks.

From the outside looking in, other people would never know I’m struggling. I’m good at keeping up with the status quo and forcing myself to get what I have to get done, but inside I’m dying.

I had tochange up my meds and add an anti-anxiety med. I’m doing all the usual coping strategies but it all feels so heavy right now. I applied for an RA for my remote job and am hoping they approve it. At this point, if they RIF me for that, good riddance. I’m lucky to be in a high demand field and I don’t think it’s worth my health.

And to make it all worse, my workplace is full of a bunch of yes-men chiefs who will do whatever he-who-must-not-be-named says. They say patients first, but treat their own workers like dog 💩. They’re literally nothing without us, but they just care about themselves.

Just sharing because I feel like I’m at the end of my rope and I had to just type it out so it’s tangible. Know you’re not alone if you’re feeling this way too.

TLDR: Fed gov jobs suck so hard rn. Thankful for this job, but not sure it’s worth my mental health.