I'm tired. I'm full of this bullshit. Punong puno na ako. I don't care anymore. Pagod na ako magtiis.

• Ever since I was a child, my parents were in such a controversy regarding their marriage kasi nga si mama, catholic, and si papa, inculto. lalo na yung putanginang nanay ni papa. Gago talaga yan. Gusto niya ako ipa-abort dahil lang baka mababa siya sa tungkulin niya? Gago. Ano ba mapapala mo dyan? Mag-isip ka naman.
• After all that, even when I'm still a toddler, my parents broke up, and my dad left me sa nanay niya. Aba talaga naman. Though lumipat naman ako kila mama paminsan minsan. Then, as I grew up, my mom left me to my dad's mom (i dont wanna call her my lola tangina lakas lakas pa naman niyan) so that she can work and then take me in the future. And then here I am. I'm still at my dad's mom. And today, I'm full of her bullshit. You know what she does to me?
• She just spews BULLSHIT at me EVERY SINGLE TIME everyday. Literally. I don't know where to start. She just barges in my room, tells me I'm a freeloading demon (legit demonyo tinatawag niya sa'kin) that doesn't help at all. (? wtf i help you in ways you can't comprehend) at pinapalayas pa ako dito. And then, has the gall to order me to attend the cult's activities such as pulongs, whatever basta anything inside the cult, and kumuha ng tungkulin. Tangina mo! You have several duties inside this cult, and you give around 6 figures every year to this damn cult. Tapos ₱50 lang pinapangkain mo sa'kin? Siraulo. Ano kakainin ko sa singkwenta pesos na yan? Some unhygienic food outside? Sinasabihan niya pa akong "luxurious" at mamahalin daw pagkain ko dahil lang bumili ako ng mix and match sa Jollibee dahil may extra akong money galing sa pamilya ng mom ko. Wtf. I know you go outside with your OWE friends and eat at some mamahalin na restaurant at popost mo pa sa facebook. And when she finds out that I have extra money that CAME from my mom's family, she perceives it as me STEALING her money? No way. Dami mong pera na binibigay sa kulto. Gamitin mo kaya yan pambili ng utak? I don't even request anything from you. Hinihingi ko lang sayo is pangkain, wala nang iba pa. Literally all my clothes were from mom. Every school supplies I had was from mom. My gadgets were from mom. And you know what? I see you order online very often for dresses that you wear just for OOTD. Wow, luxurious. Tapos pagdating sa'kin, sasabihin mo "Nako. Para ka talagang mayaman. Ang dami mong inoorder. San mo ba makukuha pambayad n'yan ha?" Edi wag mo bayaran. Di pa naman kita tinatanong eh. May pambayad naman ako kasi humihingi ako kay mama. I don't even order that much. I only ordered stuff I really needed.
• Everytime I leave the house, I don't ask for permission, dahil alam ko namang di yan papayag at sesermonan pa ako. I'm not mentally stable and I cope with going out with friends and going to places that give me happiness. Like practicing with my band. Me and my dad's mom also had a deal, that I would be home before a specific time. I always kept that deal. But she tells on my dad anyways. Everytime I make a mistake, even something very minor, she tells on my dad. They both scold me until they had no more words to say. They don't know how much that hurt me. And I'm constantly at my lowest dahil d'yan. I got a PC from my mom, which I truly appreciated. It's what I've ever wanted my whole life. My life driving force. But that same PC will just worsen me. My dad's mom, scolds me a lot because I'm on my PC all the time. Ano naman? Dahil it "consumes so much power that your bill spiked up?" Hell no. I optimized my PC's power consumption. You don't know anything, but you persisted on being "always correct because you know everything". I just shrug it off nalang, but she still scolds me everyday. Minsan nagb-breakdown na. Wtf? Oa much? Nakadrugs ka noh? One time, I excused myself to "church activities" so I can gala with my friends. When I went home, she found out that I didn't attend the church activity, and screamed at me, like always, but this time, more intense. She spewed words that were very painful to hear. And that I was using the "Iglesia ni Cristo".
• Things turned even worse when her husband died. I hated her husband, too. But not that much, cause he rarely abuses me, and holds back. So I respected him naman. A day before his death, he asked me if I have ate dinner. Those words, really made me happy. It's been a long time since I have heard those words, in a comforting tone. It took a heavy toll on my mental health. I've never been this low. I could no longer see myself as a sane person. Most of the time I didn't know what I was thinking. Days pass after his death. Dad's mom, has many problems now that her husband has passed away. I helped her in my own way, that she doesn't appreciate and doesn't know. She kept guilt tripping me everyday with the words "Patay na ang lolo mo. Tulungan mo ako ha. Kumuha ka ng tungkulin. Para sabay tayo sa pagtupad. Samahan mo ako palagi." Hell no! Fuck you, and your bullshit. There are times that I loved you, and actually saw you as a loving grandmother, but now? I'm full of your mistreatment, abuse, bullshit, and several others. Magisa ka nalang. Gusto mo naman yun diba? Pinapalayas mo ako diba? Sige. Yan gusto mo eh.
• A month has passed after her husband's death. Everything has never been this bad. A tenant, in our home, has gone crazy. And threatened my dad's mom. She eventually sorted it out. But she has various other problems. I don't care as long as she doesn't pull me into them. She should handle it herself. I'm still a minor. She's been scolding me nonstop and I don't know why other than the very minor mistakes I do. But that's whatever. My mom gave me some money, and I've treated myself to new clothes, peripherals and some action figures. In a coincidence, my dad's mom realized she was missing money out of her wallet. Which I genuinely don't know anything regarding this money. I did not steal it. However, my dad's mom being the bitch she is, suspected me of stealing the money. Why are you whining about such a small amount that doesn't even compare to the money you give to the cult? She cried and begged me to give it back to her, but that was that last straw for me. I told her that I didn't know anything about it, but she insisted that I stole it. Mind you, our home is open to the public, because we run a business. She always hides her money in drawers that can be easily stolen by anyone. Lalo na yung mga trusted people dito sa bahay. Now, she calls me a thief, a demon, a freeloader, and various other bad names. She's screaming at me every 10 fucking minutes. Hindi ko na kaya. Lilipat na ako kay mama. I've already talked to my mom about this. Bahala na siya sa buhay niya. Tutal pinapalayas naman na niya ako eh.
• Balak ko din umalis sa kultong to kasabay ng paglipat ko sa nanay ko. Pano kaya 'to? Ano kaya mangyayari? Will my dad's mom tell me to transfer locales? Whatever na. I'm not attending anymore worshit services. But please suggest what I can do.
• If any of my dad's family see this post, here's what I'll say to you. I never resented any of my dad's family. But now that you guys always take her side, and not listening to anything that I say, I'm not gonna be blind and let everything slide anymore and I don't care if you see this post. Ichika mo pa. Lurk this subreddit more and enlighten yourself about the stuff this cult does.

I know that I may sound harsh to my dad's mom, but I simply do not give a flying fuck. She deserves it, and you probably don't know how much she mistreated me. My childhood was nothing but sadness. It's her fault.

This is probably half of what she does to me, and I don't wish to speak of them. I've never ranted before, and I don't explain that well. But I want my words to be heard and acknowledged. Who is the wrong here? Me? Or her? Whatever floats your boat. It's all unfair to me.

Please tell me your opinions on this. I also want suggestions on what to do now, because I'm still a minor, and I do not like thinking too much of things like these. And I'm already in a terrible state. Thank you.