Laugh at My Misery!

NSFW because I use a lot of crude language and there's kids in this sub. Please don't take this too seriously I just needed to get this out because my appointment was awful.

I'm seeing a cardiologist because of suspected POTS and just in general to check on the state of my heart. If you look at my post history you'll see I'm going through it with this office already.

Regardless - I went in today for my echocardiogram. I already was not very comfortable with the idea of disrobing but when I got in my room they had those little paper vests. I was not ready for these vests and they were not ready for me.

I am VERY plus sized and I hulk ripped through that fucker the first time just trying to get it on. Then my tech started cop knocking on my door and asking if I was ready.

I asked for a minute and explained I had ripped it and she immediately copped an attitude and started telling me there were more "Right on the table" when they were absolutely not right on the table and tucked away in a cupboard.

I had asked to use my shirt as a drape for my modesty and she insisted that I use these tiny vests that were barely bigger than one of my ass cheeks.

With as much accuracy as I could muster I put on the little vest. I then laid down and immediately ripped it again. I gave up on my modesty and dignity right then and just placed the remains of vest number two on my chest.

The tech, whose attitude towards the vest had already made me uneasy, asked me for my date of birth. I told her and she asked what high school I went to, I didn't think much of it and answered assuming it was a security question. Nope. She went on to say her kid was my senior class president as if I should be impressed by her daughters accomplishment of planning dances I did not attend.

I was polite when she asked me if I knew her and just said no I didn't. Then she kept asking me if I was in clubs and I understand small talk is a part of her day to day but given she's seen more of my body than I planned on I thought we were past the formalities. I wasn't rude but I was overstimulated, over tired, and I didn't think either of us wanted to drag this along any further than we had to.

Once we both realized I was not capable of contributing to a conversation about her daughters accomplishments she started asking exactly my reason for being there and explaining that she'd have to angle between my ribs. I stopped her right there and explained she could very easily sublux or dislocate my ribs and I'd appreciate it if she went easy on me.

She did not go easy on me. Spoiler alert that I have bruises.

So I'm getting stabbed with the world's dullest knife and it's not a good feeling but I've had worse and I know I need this procedure done so I'm gritting down to bear it. I hate the sound of my heart beat whooshing on the machine, the cold feel of the jelly, and I was certain if I made it out alive I would begin a movement to get this practice outlawed.

My tech breaks the silence "I just need to get under your left breast" and OH SHIT SHE'S GRABBING MY TITTY! Ma'am you're trying to get me naked, rearrange my insides, and get yourself a handful? I understand she's probably grabbed 5 different tits just that morning but I have no idea why I wouldn't be given a moment to say "Okay that's alright".

Finally while I'm distracted my the audacity it happens. She slips my rib for me. It hurts like a bitch. I let out a yelp and she just says "Yeah none of my patients like this."

Then as I struggle to get on my back she tells me that she won't have to go through my ribs because she'll be going through my liver! Have you ever been punched directly in your liver? Because that's how it felt. I was going to puke.

We're all done and this tech who has both touched me and seen me in ways only my finance has seen me let's me know that she'll turn her back and go on the computer while I get dressed and there's towels next to the bench.

I sit up desperate to get out and immediately experience presyncope. I'm about to white out completely when she goes "Oh yeah most people feel dizzy sitting up from here. The tables really flat."

Her habit of late warnings did not surprise me. She also had not turned her back to me and gotten on the computer. I couldn't care less at that point. It was barely 9am and I had been through a great battle with this ultrasound and I lost.

I look for the towels. They do not exist. Her back is not turned to me - she has not moved an inch.

I put my shirt on my slimy ultrasound jelly body, put my bra on my pocket, and ran the fuck out of there.

I still can not get a full breath without pain. I cannot sit even slightly hunched over without pain. I can't bend to wipe myself without pain. I am bruised. I am beaten. I am damned.

I have to get an endoscopy and a colonoscopy done in two weeks. I genuinely believe I will feel less violated being spit roasted with cameras down my throat and up my butt than I did with this echocardiogram.