I need Dad Help

So…… I’m a mom in charge of a label maker I hid the purchase of from my family A stealth label maker if you will I have a depressed mopey nerd of an adorable teen An overworked goofball of a spouse And a bunch of little kids that can’t read and won’t be offended by references

Help me make them laugh I have reels and reels of label tape and I’m on disability at present so I could use a mission

Help me label ALL THE THINGS