What if the guy you’re with wants kids?

I (20F) recently got into a debate about being child free with a guy I know. I am the type of person that would be happy to have 2 cats and a nice place to own. No annoying children to deal with, maybe a partner, and endless freedom.

It started with a discussion about pregnancy. I simply replied that it could be dangerous and incredibly painful for myself (and women in general) to birth a child. I am also unsettled of the idea of having a kicking fetus carried in my body, 24/7, for 9 months. Anyway, I was told by him; “You’re just scaring yourself by listening to the media,” and it was of course accompanied by; “You’ll know you want kids when you’re older, you’re only 20.”

I responded by saying that since the age of 8-9 I already decided on not having kids. I just never felt the urge to take care of another person and put myself through hell.

Immediately after that, I was asked the exact question in the title, and I am so irritated by it. “What if the guy you’re with wants kids?” I told him that I wouldn’t be with a person who wants kids. I was then told that I was lowering my options in the dating pool because most men want kids. “Are you going to turn him down because he wants kids?” I gave him a yes and I was quickly met with; “Have fun being a miserable person with cats.”

It is insane to me that I am automatically made to be a bad, miserable person because I will not date someone who wants kids. It wouldn’t be good or compatible for anyone. It has always been my thought that kids are not up for compromise. You can’t have half a child.

What really bothers me about this question though, is that it reads as my self worth being so low that I would let a man dictate what I do with my body. Being with someone who wants kids isn’t going to suddenly change my mind on being child free. Nor will I sacrifice myself, time, and sanity on this level, to a man. Or anyone of that matter. I will not be pressured by family, friends, strangers, and even my theoretical spouse on this matter.

Has anyone been asked this before? Would love to have a discussion on how we feel about this. Thanks for reading.