How can I get my husband to layoff the breastfeeding hate

Disclaimer: Heat of the moment situation here. He’s generally not a bad guy, but he just doesn’t understand breastfeeding and how important it might be to a mother.

That being said…story time: despite doing everything right, I woke up in so much pain about 3 hours after my nightly pump (which I use to replace the bottle I give my baby before bed). My boob was so engorged and in so much pain and I had the chills. I think it was because I fell asleep lying directly on that boob because otherwise there would be no way I could fill up entirely in 3 hours - I alternate sides feeding so usually there are 5-6 hours between feeds on one side. I had my baby nurse from that side but because we’re all so sick and congested, he got hung up on the letdown and kept coughing and choking. To the point where he was just like I’m over it and stopped nursing from that side. So he didn’t drain me and I was still in so much pain and was getting frustrated.

I woke my husband up to tell him he needed to help resettle the baby because I needed to manage my clog/inflammation. My husband has chronic back issues (for years) because he’s overweight and he was getting pissy because his back was hurting and also he was having trouble bending over to grab the baby out of the bassinet and put him back in. He piped up that he’s so over this “fucking stupid” breastfeeding thing and I need to stop and move to formula (this is my 4th clog in about 5 weeks). Mind you in another heat of the moment situation last week when I was struggling feeding my sick and congested baby, he said one of the worst things you can say to a mom “people have been breastfeeding for a thousand years. Figure it out”. Granted he came back 10 minutes later and apologized but I railed him on how not ok that comment was.

I am not ready to give up breastfeeding (this is our second baby) and I am fed up with him telling me to quit the second it gets tough. I am already solo parenting this baby because my husband is on 4 year old duty. The extent of his involvement is to hold the baby for a few minutes here or there during the day…which honestly to me is a bit of putting that that’s all asks to do. As a mom, I’m expected to soldier on through my pain without expressing frustration, but he gets to complain about his back any time it flares up…something that’s entirely his doing because he hasn’t tried to get healthy? Also he can’t do something as basic and pick up a baby from a raised bassinet and put him back down?

Anyways I’m managing the clog. I know how to do that and yes it sucks for a few days. This is my 4th episode and we are 15 weeks into this. But what I’m really here for is advice on how I get get him off my case and stop the “stop breastfeeding” rhetoric. How can I get a man to understand and support a decision he will never have any first hand experience in?

I am willing to battle through this. Clogs happen, breastfeeding is really fucking hard and women don’t get enough credit from the vast majority of men. It hurts for them to discount the experience just because there are a few obstacles. I love the time together that it gives me and my baby. I have 3 more months of leave and I don’t want to turn to formula yet though I will once I go back to work.

UPDATE: thank you to all you lovely ladies that would take up arms and come to battle with me. I tried to have a conversation with him today and even though he started it by apologizing, he swiftly pivoted and gaslit me again for it being a choice that I can control and how it’s in no way the same situation as his back. Despite me calling him out on downing half a gallon of ice cream and 6 Trader Joe’s mini mousse cakes in the span of 2 days...desserts I get my son and will not be punishing him by not purchasing because he shouldn’t have to suffer because of someone else’s bad decisions. He kept trying to talk over me and I kept asking to talk and he storms out of the room saying he doesn’t want to hear me talk leaving me crying as he leaves with our 4 year old to go to a birthday party. And that I’m being an asshole. I never thought breastfeeding would be the reason I contemplate divorce but here we are. I’m so done being emotionally abused and gaslit. I hope he felt big beating down someone and leaving them like that.