I regret being a mom in her 20s

I want to start this by saying i love my baby. I do. I dont know what i would do without him now that i have him.

That being said. I hate being a mom. I hate being a wife. I hate having to do everything all the time. I hate that people never ask me how im doing. I hate that i even feel like i need someone to care about how im doing because im just drowning.

I know i have postpartum depression. I know it and i cant afford to do anything about it. I cant afford to go back on my meds bc ill have to stop breastfeeding and we cant afford formula. I cant take regular antidepressants because i have bipolar disorder. We cant even afford groceries because our power went out for several days and all our food went bad so now i have 30 dollars until payday and were 1000 in the hole on our mortgage.

I cant afford to work more hours because he doesnt want anyone but me. At 6mos he still doesnt like anyone else really. Childcare is too expensive for me to even send him to daycare.

If CPS were called on me now theyd take my kid because even though i spend all day making this house not horrible and disgusting we still habe roaches. I spend all day cleaning and its never clean bc the baby screams the whole time i put him down. I feel so fucking alone because im cleaning everything by myself all the time. When my husband is home we literally eat and then go to sleep.

And you know what STUPID shit set me off? My friends sent me a bucket list of things we should do together this summer and by we they dont mean me because i have a baby at 26 and thats literally just all on me. Im so mad at myself for becoming a parent. Its so STUPID but i am just upset that i will never be that carefree again.

Ill never again be in my 20s and able to just go out whenever i want to and throw caution to the wind and let my hair down and shit because i became a fucking mom.

Fuck everything, send booze, and maybe a cigarette. Thanks for letting me vent.