I told my husband that I’m struggling with his anger

I told my husband I’m struggling with his anger

My husband and I have had an extended period of arguing and fighting more than usual. I’ve already posted about it, I’m trying to find a way to improve things. I need to take care of myself because I’m struggling with the stress.

Today the day started with a text exchange following up because he had asked me to send some information to someone. I ended up calling the person and sharing the info over the phone. He had expected me to text the person and copy him. He was mad and sarcastic with me about it. This really isn’t a big deal, but in the context of the constant fighting and after me getting my first good night sleep in a week, I sent the following text exchange:

——————

Me: I’m really feeling emotionally exhausted about you getting mad/frustrated/harsh with me. I am on edge feeling like at any moment I’m going to do the next thing that causes a problem. Please can we work on this.

This was his response:

Him: “You don’t seem to pay attention to things I say. I feel like I just got done telling you why to send it to the group text and then the next time you don’t do it. Somehow I’m the problem when you don’t take into consideration the things I say.”

“And I’ve said before you don’t take responsibility for things.”

“You didn’t say “I’m sorry I should have sent it to the group text. I also feel bad when you say things to me this way. Could you please try to say things in a nicer way?””

“Instead you say “please can we work on this”. What is that even supposed to mean. Sounds passive aggressive. Because you aren’t taking responsibility but somehow are saying “we” when what you really mean to say is “you”.”

——————————-

I don’t know where to go from here. This is the circle we dance in. He gets so mad about both big and little things that he can be yelling and screaming and totally dysregulated but the moment I tell him to stop or say something about his reaction he tells me that I turn everything into him being the problem instead of taking responsibility for what I’ve done. These things I’ve done can vary from this texting situation, to how and when I do other tasks, how I answer his questions, what I say, or things that I’ve really legitimately screwed up. All problems follow this same cycle but he’s jumping to intense anger earlier and earlier in the cycle and I’m not sure what to do.

Any feedback or suggestions?