I lost it on my kid this morning

I have 3 sons. My middle son (7) is incredibly intelligent and athletic. He's also the most defiant and disrespectful child. He refuses to take responsibility for his actions and it's something we've been working on both at home and in therapy.

My husband left for a year long deployment 3 weeks ago and it seems to have made his behavioral issues worse.

This morning, we were getting ready for school and I told him he couldn't take his Switch on the bus because he's grounded from an incident yesterday.

He freaked out and started crying and screaming that it isn't his fault and I just like making his life miserable. I managed to stay calm and told him that we'd had a talk yesterday about expectations. How he wasn't respectful or kind and he lost his privilege because of it. He then yelled in my face, "I don't care about your stupid talks! You're a bad mom!"

And it triggered this anger and shame in me I didn't know existed. I completely flew off the handle and SCREAMED for like 5 minutes that if he's not going to respect me that I sure as Hell won't respect him, and I don't understand why he keeps making horrible choices.

I grounded him for an extra 4 days and took away gymnastics class tonight and we sat in silence waiting on the bus.

My fear is that he's right. I'm a bad mom and I can't do this shit. It's too fucking hard. I can hardly manage my own emotions right now and trying to manage his is just too much. I'm crashing and burning today, guys.