MIL caught on security camera talking ish

Bromo’s I’m pissed today.

Let me set the scene. My husband works 120+ hour weeks, and has been doing so for years but specifically the last 4-5 months it’s been continuous. We have two toddlers (4&2), a dog, a 3 bedroom house, and I maintain all of it 99.9% by myself. I also work full time, in a demanding job, I’m in graduate school getting my MBA, I’m 4 months pregnant, and we’re building a house so I’m also taking multiple meetings with builders and realtors and loan agents and handling 100% of the admin work for that effort.

Our 4 year old has had some behavioral issues, and was diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder and adhd. I’ve poured so much energy into getting him in to see doctors and receive therapies and worked with him individually to manage his more problematic behaviors using techniques I’ve spent hours researching and discussing with therapists.

With my husbands schedule I end up doing 99% of the household management - laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc. We have a house cleaner come 2x a month, and we sometimes outsource laundry to a service or do grocery delivery or eat pizza more than we’d like to. I’m doing what I can to create balance where there very much isn’t any in my life, and part of that has been outsourcing what I can and letting go of any guilt.

All of this to say - I got a lot on my plate right now. And I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got, and unfortunately that means sometimes things slip through the cracks. I prioritize my kids and my well being right now. If my kids are fed, clean, safe, loved, I feel like I’ve done my duty. If dishes pile up in the sink or toys don’t get picked up right away that’s fine - I’ve learned to accept that I can’t do it all right now and it’s more important that I feel happy than it is for everything to be perfect.

Yesterday was a hard day. The dog tracked mud through the house and I had to wash all our carpets and spend a lot of time cleaning the house, as well as bathing the dog. I also got some bad news about the amount of maternity leave I’ll be paid for (4 weeks, boo America). I have also been battling a cold and focusing on trying to put together a budget so we can save more before I go on unpaid leave. So I felt pretty defeated at the end of the day. My sweet husband called his parents and asked them to help with the kids the next night so I could get a break and they agreed. My husband went to bed early after finally having a night off, I put the kids to bed and followed suit.

This morning I had to go into the office early, so after dropping the kids off at daycare and feeding the dog and getting myself dressed and ready between zoom meetings, I packed an overnight bag for the kids and texted my in laws that I would leave everything they needed at our house. I also climbed into our attic and pulled out a giant suitcase my MIL had asked to borrow a few weeks ago, and also left that out so they could use it. And then I left for a full day of meetings with clients.

On my way home I stopped at the pharmacy to grab my husbands RX when I got a notice from our security alarm that there was lots of movement by our front door. I opened our app to make sure there weren’t any issues with my in laws getting inside or if there were a lot of deliveries dropped off or something. Instead I see a screen grab of my MIL looking very agitated. I opened our recording and catch her talking sh*t about me to my FIL, before catching herself and saying “there might be microphones”.

Immediately I’m concerned, I’m thinking maybe I did something wrong and my instinct is to reach out to see what happened so I can rectify. But I download the video and send to my husband, and ask him to call me so that I don’t escalate a situation out of anger. He immediately calls his parents and they tell him they were upset because our house is a “shithole” because there’s dishes in the kitchen and toys on the floor in our living room.

I’m pretty upset obviously. I take care of everyone solely by myself, prioritize everyone’s needs, and I get zero grace when I’m not perfect. There’s no recognition that I’m pregnant, juggling a lot, no recognition that I went out of my way to get something for them this morning before I left, and of course no recognition that their son is an adult who should share these responsibilities with me and it shouldn’t be only MY failure that our house isn’t spotless.

I cried a bunch about it and then channeled my anger and sadness into cleaning. Out of love and respect for my husband and not wanting to start a fight with my in-laws I won’t address it with them unless they grow a pair and say it to me first. But I’m also not going to let them in my house when I’m not home and I’m not going to go out of my way to make sure we visit them and see them at their house either. If you wanna be shitty, judgmental people then so be it but do it from your high castle by yourself and don’t speak about me in my house like I’m not out here busting my ass to make their son and their grandkids feel loved and cared for.

I think it just hurt coming from another woman, another mother. To be critiqued by men who don’t juggle the demands of working mothers is one thing, but to have another mother criticize you just stings a little more.