Controversial, but I need to get it out

Disclaimers (and I'm sure I am missing some): I do not want to be divorced, and know that being a single mom is beyond ridiculously burdensome and impossible. I love my partner more each year we are together. I can't really imagine handing my babies off to someone else, and I love being there for them every day. I am also blessed to have a career that can support my family financially.

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That said - a few of my friends are recently divorced and I YEARN to know what it is like to just -- be a full time normal adult? My girlfriends who are divorced are getting well-deserved (although traumatic) breaks when the kids to go their ex-partner's houses. I do so much - I am breadwinner, get kids on and off bus 75% of the time by myself, coordinate activities, maintain relationships with friends and their parents, plan parties, soothe and comfort, buy new clothes, all the usual that ya'll do too. I make homemade, freaking sit down meals for our family 4/5 nights per week. We go round robin around the table to talk about our days. I set our family's screen time limits and rules, I go through backpacks. I do homework with the kids. My husband does verbalize his appreciation for me, but I AM TIRED. I want to know what it is like to have a hobby. To spend money on myself. I do take a few overnights alone each year but it is treated as "SUCH A TREAT FOR MOM" instead of it being just an occurrence I don't have to plan coverage for or be thankful for.

I daydream about being able to wake up without having to care for a little human for 72 hours, get myself ready for my day, be able to actually lean in to, my job and try to achieve more -- I could do so much more if I wasn't also required to parent full time. I miss professional opportunities, don't get to be as present as I want to or should be. I wish I could drop them off for a few days each week, just for a few months in a row.