My daughter and I can’t get along

I am choking back tears as I write this, but my 7 year old and I butt heads a lot and argue so much and I’m at a loss of what to do. I’m a terrible mother and my husband made it a point to say that he and her get along so well and never argue, so it’s a me thing.

So I pick up my daughter from school and she has had a bad attitude all week and I don’t know why. She asked to go to McDonalds, which she knows that she only gets it as a reward at the end of the week for being good. I tell her that we are not and cue meltdown. Then she’s angry because they for some reason aren’t serving pizza in the school cafeteria and says she’s not going because of it. I tell her she is and it’s not a valid reason to miss school and she serves me attitude. I get angry and threaten to take away her reward.

I tell my husband about what happened and he just sighs and says that we never get along and that he hardly ever has any problems with her, which makes me feel awful. I tell him that he can talk to her if he believes he’s a better parent to talk to her, and he gets angry.

I just feel defeated. This is a me issue that needs to be addressed. I’m autistic and I do take things personally and I am thinking she has autism or ADHD but her doctor refuses to diagnose her because she’s an angel at school. I just want us to get along because I love her.