(TW) I’m kinda scared my attraction to men is completely rooted in trauma. Should I try and just be straight?

Without going into drawn out detail, growing up the men in my life absolutely fucking terrified me and would often yell and resort to physical violence and intimidation quickly. I was also beat up bad and sexually assaulted by men much bigger than me on two separate occasions.

And I feel so fucked up in the head that I’m now turned on by those things after having realized and acknowledged that I’m bisexual.

Like, the thought of a guy being really fucking rough with me is hot but I also feel that intensely terrifying “just give up and you won’t be hurt” feeling alongside everything else.

Do I just need therapy? Is it possible I’m actually straight and just confused? Or is wanting a guy to fuck you wanting a guy to fuck you no matter what?