Baby fell off the bed….again….

Tagging this mental health because while thankfully he’s ok, I am not. Also wasn’t sure what else to tag it.

So a few months ago my 6 month old (at the time) baby fell off the bed while I was getting my boob out for side lying nursing. Luckily he was fine and wearing a cranial molding helmet. But I was so worried and rushed him to the er. I felt so awful but was just kinda maybe starting to get over the guilt.

After that I’ve been so paranoid about him falling again and I took more precautions.

Now to the recent incident (baby is almost 9 months now), our plumbing went out and we’ve been staying with my MIL. Work has been too much, on top of the plumbing issues (and our slum lord isn’t helping) I’ve just been so tired and overwhelmed lately. I must’ve fallen asleep while side lying feeding (please don’t give me shit, I already feel like such a POS) bc next thing I know I woke up to thud and screaming crying and everyone running into the room. My heart just sank and I felt like the worst mom. How could I let this happen again? I feel like I failed my baby. I’m supposed to protect him…

This bed is slightly higher than the last fall (it’s about 2 feet onto hard wood) and he also hit his head on the night stand. He’s done with the helmet too. (Never thought I’d say this but I miss the helmet). I can’t stop thinking about his poor head. Obviously took him in again to get checked and they cleared him but I don’t think I’ll ever forget myself I’m still worried about potential injury. What if they missed something? (they didn’t think it was necessary to do imitating and subject him to radiation).

I’m also paranoid about getting flagged for abuse or negligence or something. What if he falls again? What if my MIL thinks I’m incompetent?

I think I’m spiraling with my thoughts now but damn how did I left this happen again less than 3 months later…..