Advice...?

This is my first post ever, so if I am not using this subreddit appropriately please direct me to the appropriate sub for this topic. I was adopted from China to a white family who did not adopt any Chinese/Asian culture. I have been surrounded by white people for most of my life, I’ve consistently been one of the only Asian people in my classes at school. My best friends and boyfriend are all white. Off and on I get this overwhelming feeling of not belonging. I am very aware that I am whitewashed, and shamefully I have made bad self-deprecating whitewashed jokes. But I really like generic pop music and trends, but I am sure it is mostly because of the area I grew up in and anti-Asian/anti-Chinese sentiments my adopted family holds. Sometimes (most of the times) I forget about how I physically present and racist moments remind me I will never belong in the culture I was brought up in and will probably never fit into the culture I was taken from. I feel like if I start embracing my origins now, I would be “cosplaying” as someone I am not, how do I become comfortable in my skin and in my Asian-American identity?