Just got diagnosed at 18- mixed emotions

TW brief mention of self harm

Throughout my life my parents have always suspected I have autism. When they would voice their concerns to doctors they were always brushed off. It only when I turned 17 my parents were finally listened to, and I was put on a year long waiting list for a diagnostic evaluation. That evaluation was last week, and we just got the results back.

The doctor/psychologist explained that I display most of the symptoms in the diagnostic criteria, but those symptoms were likely overlooked during my childhood due to my “high IQ in verbal comprehension and fluid reasoning,” in addition to my low support needs and my ability to mask effectively.

I honestly don’t really know how to feel. I’m not exactly surprised, this has been suspected for my entire life. I guess it feels a bit bitter sweet. I’m going to college soon, so it’s good to know that with this diagnosis I might be able to have accommodations to better adapt to the change of environment. But at the same time I can’t help but think about how much heartache could have been spared if I were only diagnosed sooner. During my childhood I was unable to explain what I was feeling or why I think the way I do, and as such no one truly understood me- not even myself. I was outcasted so much by others as a child, I had so much difficulty with communicating my emotions, and I had no help or even an explanation as to why. It led me to develop some very unhealthy coping mechanisms that I still struggle with to this day. From the time I was 7 years old, when I was extremely upset I would harm myself to avoid having a meltdown and inconveniencing others. I also have the bad habit of keeping my emotions hidden, even at times where I should lean on my loved ones for emotional support. It feels like all of my symptoms were ignored by professionals simply because I didn’t cause any issues for the people around me- just myself.

My apologies for the rant, I just felt a bit conflicted. Anyone feel similarly?