Struggling to believe in God.

(If I could ask that you refrain from out right saying that God is fake, and try to be gentle, as this crisis I’m having is very new and weird// I also posted this in a Christian subreddit, because I wanted both sides I guess)

Grew up Christian, and was honestly pretty strong in my faith, and even during some of the absolute WORST years of my life I still believed he was real even if I thought things like “maybe he doesn’t hear me” or “maybe I messed up my calling” in the past. I still always believed he was real.

But lately, I feel my faith has tanked.

I mean what if we just believe because life sucks and believing in something gives hope and comfort.

And when people talk about miracles, I’m just like…..OR maybe it’s just life being spontaneous ya know as it does.

I mean you had people believing in the Greek Gods for generations. And I’m sure there were people in that time that claimed they saw miracles too, and or heard from the gods themselves. Who’s to say this is different?

Idk man.

The worst part is, I fear even talking to God, or reading my Bible, or listening to worship music, because I fear the critic that is myself. And the critic saying over and over again “what if this is all fake?”.

Cause the more the critic talks the more I believe it, and if I ever fully believe it….then I would be accepting the fact that my life was built on nothing and the people I have lost are TRULY gone.

But then again, I could have SWORN I have/had a real relationship with God. But maybe I just needed to cling to something greater than me….