I watched porn and it was terrible

It felt like trying to Pavlov myself into thinking I like that by touching myself while watching it.

I just browsed videos of like, cock and girls and fucking and boobs and everything and I guess I was sucked in the monotony but I felt completely detached. I was actively trying to pay attention to the people instead of just drifting onto my own fantasies.

The porn sites where specially horrendous, I cannot believe people watch those to jack off, that’s a very low quality wank.

I did found I like the moments where it was gently, not-necessarily-sexual touch, caresses if you may, does a porn website but it’s just people sensually exist?

I gave up in the end, finished to my mind and determined the porn industry was well and truly garbage; I cannot describe the relief of coming back to my favourite smut fanfics after watching whatever the fuck was that I just watched. I feel a bit disgusted at the back of my throat, only just not really, mostly confused. I also feel really… icky? Uncomfortable? Like I did a perhaps-not-great-idea and I’m not going to hide it but I am going to grimace at the memory of it.

What’s everyone else’s experience with porn? I’m guessing similar, please do not try irl porn; or at least at your own discretion. It is not something I can say I look back to as “good”