i just dont understand :((

I have a long term bf and we’ve been together for 4 years now, tbh when we first met mukha syang totoy compared to me, ang payat nya, pangit posture nya and pangit sya pumorma before, siguro kasi student palang kaya hindi pa mabili yung mga gusto nyang pamorma. And ako naman that time was my peak, sexy pa ko nun, pala-ayos and chic kung pumorma. Were good, we are so okay, super healthy ng relationship namin. And now si bf, gym rat na and maganda na body nya, di na sya payatot like before, he can afford RL polos na and talagang maganda na sya pumorma kumbaga dream guy ko na sya hahahahaha, while me, tumaba nako, Im getting close to 90kg na. Hindi nadin ako pala-ayos like before kasi no need na dahil nga I have my long term bf na. Dont get me wrong, im still wearing make up, and wear clothes na gusto ko its just that, due to the sudden weight gain eh mas attractive ako before compare to now.

Lately, nagiging biro ni bf na hindi nadaw sya takot mawala ako coz he’s different na nga, he’s better nadaw. Marami nadaw sigurado ang nagkakacrush sakanya and pag nagbreak kami sure syang makakahanap sya agad ng chic nya. And its makes me really sad, tumatawa lang ako sakanya but deep inside ang sakit sakit. Feeling ko he’s making himself better not for me but for his own sake. Sabi pa nya, “dati natatakot akong iwan moko kasi sure akong madaming lalaking nag aabang sayo, ngayon feeling ko wala na kasi di kana sexy” :((((

Ang sakit kasi ako tinanggap ko sya before, i help him become better tapos ngayon ganyan na.

Ps. Were still okay, anniversary nga namin next week eh. Nasasad lang ako and natatakot sa mga susunod na mangyayari sa relationship namin.