I wasn’t invited to a close friends wedding - feeling hurt and need to vent.
I genuinely have no clue where else to vent about this being but seeing as ADHD and persistent depressive disorder (PDD) are pretty big parts of my life and this community of women seems to be very accepting and understanding I feel safe to vent here.
TL/DR; I wasn’t invited to a friend’s wedding but our other two close friends were, essentially leaving only me out. Feeling hurt and somewhat betrayed that I didn’t find out about it for months. Seeking advice on how to navigate the situation and adult female friendships as a whole.
The sum of it is as the title says, I wasn’t invited to a close friend of mines wedding and I feel absolutely crushed. To be fair, a lot of my friendships took a back seat to the rest of my life this past year - I was between jobs, unemployed for the most part and sometimes didn’t have a single dollar to my name. However, I had never shied away from sharing this with my friends, for the most part they knew what I was going through
Me and my two friends, who we’ll call Nina and Hannah , have been friends since high school. We’ve stayed friends all these years and have had a group chat together for as long as I can remember. Back in 2021 Hannah’s friend, who we’ll call Daria, reached out to her and said that she was really struggling. Without thought we all took Daria into our friend group, put her in our group chat and she was immediately one of my closest friends. We had all known Daria since high school as well and while we all hung out then, she mainly hung out with her other friends and drifted from us until recently.
Fast forward to present day, Daria gets engaged to her long term boyfriend. We’re all so happy for her and she’s sharing with us all the details of her wedding. As I previously mentioned this past year was absolutely brutal for me so while I wasn’t seeing my friends all the time (I literally couldn’t even afford the gas to go to their houses), we still talked daily in the group chat. We saw each other at birthday parties and what not, so I wouldn’t say we lost touched or had a falling out - not even close.
The group chat had been quiet for the past couple of months or so. Daria hadn’t replied to any messages in a few months and Hannah, Nina and I weren’t communicating there as much because of an argument we’d gotten in (long story short - Nina couldn’t commit to plans scheduled for 5 months in advance, she does this all the time and then is hanging out with other friends or makes other plans not involving us). Hannah and I were hanging out and talking and naturally the conversation of Daria’s wedding comes up. I ask Hannah if she had heard anything or received an invitation bc I hadn’t, she went silent and told me she received hers in November. My heart just sunk.
I tried to play it cool, but it felt like a knife slicing through my chest. It felt in a way like a confirmation of something I already knew - they don’t see me as a friend, I just see them as my friends. Hannah texted me after, sharing that she didn’t want to lie to me and said that she knew I wasn’t invited, but Daria told her that she would tell me one on one. Hannah said she urged Daria to tell me before I found out some other way and in her heart thought she genuinely would. Hannah feels really bad about it, but I really don’t blame her. It’s not her wedding and it’s not her story to tell - it’s Daria’s.
The dagger though - both Nina and Hannah are invited and are even MC-ing the wedding together, and I just totally wasn’t invited at all. It stings so bad, I can’t stop thinking about it, and I feel so betrayed. I don’t feel entitled to be invited to her wedding, that’s not it AT ALL - but if she had told me or even white lied and said she didn’t have the capacity or something I would’ve probably been okay with it eventually. For her to lie to my face when I saw her back in November is so fucking shady and I’m just done with it all.
Looking back on it though, I think I always saw myself closer to them than they are to me. They never planned my birthday with me, couldn’t be bothered to even make time to go out to dinner for any of my birthdays in recent memory, Nina and Daria didn’t even reach out when my grandmother died recently. I feel so betrayed, and now I basically only have one friend.
Is this what adult friendship is like? How do I even go on from this? Is it the end of the world - no and I know that it’s relatively silly in the grand scheme of things. But idk, I can’t remember the last time I felt this hurt. If you read this far, I appreciate you taking the time and if you have any helpful advice on how to navigate this or make new adult female friends, I’d really appreciate it :)