Just miss him and he’s stopped reaching out and I wish I could confide in him

I’m not going to reach out to him but I miss him and I miss having someone to confide in. I could share all my anxieties with him etc. I started a new job which gives me so much anxiety and I feel like tonight my one co worker doesn’t like me. I felt sad and anxious and unlikable rn and I wish he was here to comfort me. Atleast when I was with him I didn’t always have to deal with things alone. (Even though I know he was not actually reliable when it comes down to it) I also feel like with him I don’t have to try to be my best self if that makes sense. Because he’s honestly a loser in some ways and a bad person so what do my flaws matter? I didn’t have to fix them with him.

he finally stopped trying to contact me after my family threatened legal action towards him. It feels so bizarre. It makes me sad. We were so enmeshed with eachother and now he’s out of my life. I don’t want to be on my own. I think that’s why I settle for bad treatment. I just feel really badly about myself tonight and wish I had some source of comfort. Idk how to be comfort for myself I never pick myself back up etc. I’m trying to find hobbies to fill my time. Crafts and stuff for now atleast. Ugh.