Recently took on custody of my brother but he's very challenging and I'm at a loss of how to parent him. Wondering if he'd be better in foster care.

This might be a long one, sorry. I just don't know what to do in this situation. My mum recently died after decades of addiction. I haven't had much contact with her in the past 10 years (I'm 25f) other than to sometimes see my brother (14), even though we didn't get along that well I did try to make the effort and check he was ok, I had a shit upbringing and his has been slightly better but not by much.

My mum grew up in the care system and had no family and neither of us know who our dads are so when she died I took on my brother but it has been a huge struggle and we are both very unhappy and always angry at each other. I am really struggling to get him to go to school, he's a big kid and I can't physically force him, I am literally begging him every single day just to go in but more often than not he refuses. I've had meetings with his school and they've given some suggestions like taking away his games console (like we have such luxuries!!), I have nothing to bargain with because we have nothing. He does have a social worker but they are not as involved as I hoped and don't seem to have much influence over him.

I'm terrified of getting fines for his attendance, I work a 9-5 job and also do supermarket shifts in the evenings to keep us afloat. Half the time I come home and he's not there, I don't know where he is or what he's doing. I took his front door key away recently to try and at least keep him at home if he isn't in school but he left through the window. He's just the sort of age and vulnerability that makes me think he could be involved in county lines or similar which worries me so much.

I completely snapped at him the other day after we had a big fight and he told me that he hated me, I told him that he is ruining my life (not necessarily a lie, every day is a nightmare), I never wanted to be in this situation, I'm trying to do the best for him so he can have a better life than our mum did but I feel that if he can't at least try to meet me halfway then I'm going to talk to his social worker and discuss an alternative arrangement for who looks after him. I keep thinking that a foster family will be better equipped for him but also that he would likely burn through multiple foster placements, end up in trouble, in addiction, prison or dead like our mum did. I spent some time with a foster family when I was younger and had a positive experience but I was well behaved, I know he would be just as aggressive and challenging with anyone else as he is with me. He told me he'd be better off there because nobody could be worse than me.

I don't feel that I have the life experience for this situation, I've spent my whole life so far trying to make things better for myself and until our mum died I was so proud of how far I've come, I'd love to be enjoying myself now, having a little disposable income, looking for a long term partner but my brother is taking up all my time and money, nobody wants to date someone with a teenage dependent and I don't have time for it anyway. I hated my childhood because of my mum and she continues to fuck up my life via my brother even after death.

I'm sorry for the rant, just needed to get this off my chest. I don't know what to do for the best and I don't really have anyone to turn to. Any advice would be so welcomed. Thank you.

• thank you for all the comments and advice so far. Even if I havent responded I am reading them and making notes to try and get a plan together. I can't go on like this and it isn't fair on my brother either. Thank you.