Did my husband end our marriage?

Did my husband end our marriage?

Hello everyone,

Throw away account to keep this anonymous for my own peace of mind.

I have come here to get some advice and perspective and to see if anyone has gone through the same and how they dealt with it.

I am married, almost 5 years now with a 15 year age gap. We have 2 kids. I come from a culture where, once you’re married, that’s it, it is frowned upon to divorce as ‘you picked him’ kind of thing.

However, the more stories I hear, the more I realise that people get divorced for far less. The problem is my husband has shown many times that he does not respect me. He criticises me, ignores me, shouts at me and so on. From not visiting me in the maternity hospital to taking my keys away or slamming his hands at a wall or an object at a wall and telling me I should be thankful it wasn’t my face. He had issues with alcohol and drugs at the time, and I tried to help in anyway I can.

I offered counselling (couples or alone), I offered to find a hobby we can do together instead of the activities he was participating in and so on. We had many talks but each time the vicious circle began again. I told him several times that one day, my patience will burst and I will leave (not as a threat, but because I’m only human and I can only take so much). Eventually, something in my head snapped and I no longer cared when he got home or if he even came home. After a month of me not showing any ‘care’, while I was secretly planning my exit, he, within 24 hours became the husband I’ve been asking him to be all those years.

Which should be great right? Well, here’s the issue, it’s been 6 months since then, he still makes snarky comments and criticises me, and even manages to always put a damper on things on days we have a birthday party or event of any kind..he makes it about him…but, he has started helping more around the house (still not enough but better than before), he doesn’t drink or take drugs either, and I’m proud.

However, I cannot get back that love I felt for him before I snapped. I’ve tried so hard to love him again the same way but I feel the resentment and irritation is overflowing even though he’s doing better. I don’t know what to do..I can’t talk to him about it because he gets defensive over everything, and my family haven’t given a lot of good advice..

so Reddit, any advice or even understanding of what I’m going through and if this lack of emotion will ever be more again? Or have I been hurt one too many times by this person?

Sorry for the long post and thank you in advance for your suggestions.