Does it ever get better?

I lost my dad to suicide 3 months ago and my heart still aches whenever I think about the last few days with him and the way that he passed. I know that he wanted to live because in recent years, he has been more conscious about his health and early in 2024 (the year that he passed), he voluntarily went for a health checkup.

My family and I think that he chose this route because he didn’t want us to find out that he went borrowing money from unlicensed moneylenders and my mum would divorce him. But there is still a lot of questions about his death and we feel that he shouldn’t have taken his own life.

My heart also aches whenever I feel how lonely and sad he must have felt when he was preparing to commit suicide.

Tldr does it ever get better when you are thinking about your loved ones that you lost to suicide?