relationships & suicide

hi, i just wanted to seek some advice. since my loved one’s passing i feel myself drift apart from my partner. when im down or up at night because of thoughts revolving her suicide, he often just leaves me alone to deal with it. which I understand, seeing as i often process my sadness alone. I have MDD and so he is quite used to my down times. But since my cousin’s passing i am just down so often that it feels like there is a huge gap between me and my partner.

How do i know if it’s our relationship that is wrong, or if there’s just something wrong with me since her death. I’d be lying if i said i have maintained other relationships (friendships, familial) well since my cousin’s death too. My partner and I are currently in an indefinite LDR too, so i guess that could explain the distant feeling too