Why did my gf(23F) leave me(27M). Please help me understand.

27M here. I have had no dating experience before this. I recently joined a government job(around 1 year back). I went on an office sports trip along with some seniors and a newly joined female Commisioner/Officer (23yrs old). Me and another of my friend were both interested in her and kind of fought for her affection all throughout the trip which lasted around 3 days. Upon coming back from the trip I told her how I felt about her and she froze up. I assured her that if she felt uncomfortable I can leave but she didnt say anything and kept silent for a long time. I asked her if she being of a superior rank to me in office was the problem and she said no. Then I asked if she simply didnt find me attractive. She again became silent for a long time and finally said she found me attractive and was interested in me but would like to stay friends.

We stared texting and meeting after office. We even used to get out during office hours and roam around talking in parks where no colleague could see us. It was here that she let me hold her hand for the first time. I left for my hometown for a week 2 days after this and in this time we kept on texting a lot, and I mean a lot, all the time. Full on flirting till late in the night(nothing dirty though). It was here that the problems started.

She said that she wont be able to marry me later on as her family didnt allow inter caste marriage (we are Indians. She is from Meena community in Rajasthan). I tried to convince her that later if we get serious she ought to fight for our love but she told its not possible as her family would disown her. I felt soo bad but accepted being just in a relationship and seeing how it turned out. All this while hoping that she falls deeply in love with me and then talks to her parents about marriage. A week passed and it was time to come back to my work city. I landed late in night at around 12am and she asked if she should come pick me up from airport. I said no need as nights are unsafe for women in India. I got the hint that she wanted to meet up and that she was frustrated that she could only meet me the next day in office. I was pleasantly surprised by her affection and assured her I would come to meet her after keeping my luggage in my flat. I walked to her apartment and met her at 1:30am.

We roamed around the deserted streets and not wanting to leave, sat down and I kissed her on her cheeks and forehead. Now she had already told me by now that she detested physical/sexual stuff and probably was asexual. While I pulled her closer and hugged and kissed her on her head, she planted a kiss on my lips. We kissed for a long time, the whole night actually, talking in between how much we missed each other when I went home, how much we stole looks at each other in office before we became acquainted in the sports trip, and how handsome and charming she finds me, etc. Next 3 days we met up during office during lunch etc and at night we went to a secluded park where we resumed our kissing. She whispered in my ear that she definitely wasnt asexual. My hands went to her waist and up towards her back, inside her sports bra. While kissing I asked her if could bring my hand around her chest and she said no so I didnt. Then she sat on top of my lap and I touched her bum and she didnt object. Then after a while I slightly slipped my hand in her underwear and she gently pulled my hand away. Then I kissed her on her belly and waist and left for our home in the morning.

From next day onwards she started making excuse to not meet up during the night so I asked her if she felt uncomfortable with our physical stuff. She said yes that she finds it troubling that she cannot control herself in the heat of things but feels guilty afterwards. I said okay we wont do any physical stuff from now on. Her flatmate who was also our colleague(and who became a good friend of mine) told me how often she talks about me to her and that she is absolutely enamoured with me.

After 2 days, after a date, she told me she would like it if we just stayed friends. I asked her what happened all of a sudden. She said she couldnt explain but she feels guilty and feels pressuried in a relationship, as if all she could do was think about me, keep thinking how she looks while meeting me, etc. I almost cried but accepted the breakup. The very next day I asked her to get back in a relationship with me but we would only do what she wants. If she didnt want to go on a date, we wont, if she didnt wanna get physical at all, we wont, everything on her terms. She agreed. This went on for a week where all we did was talk, go for walks, sometimes together and sometimes along with her faltmate. The three of us would hand around till night after office, my gf and I holding hands sometimes in secret.

After a week, she had to go on a training for 3 months to a different city, Delhi. It was very hard for me (and maybe her based on how she was behaving) to stay away for soo long after we have been together for only around 3 weeks. By this time she had told me she has an ex in college who she dumped as he was more interested in being physical. It was fine for around 2 weeks as we kept texting(not as much as her training is very demanding) and she took out time to video call me before sleeping. After that she started texting less and less and one day told me that she plays sports after office and goes shopping with her friends but could take out time to text me/call me. I said why she doesnt do it and she said that she maybe doesnt love me. She further said to her roommate that she wanted to talk less and less to me so that by the end of the 3 months we are over, that she probably wasnt interested in me anymore. I am pathetic and by now had hopelessly fallen for her so I begged her to stay friends and give me a chance to rekindle things once she came back. She said ok and agreed to keep talking although we would talk less as she was busy there.

Then one day she suddenly texted me that she didnt wanna talk to me anymore and wished for me to stay happy. Then she blocked me. I felt soo bad and shared this with my friend(my gf's roommate). After an hour she unblocked me and called to ask how I was doing (the roommate later told me that she called my gf and said that I would get hurt if she suddenly block me and advised her to slowly cut-off). I again asked her to just keep in touch and she said she blocked me because she felt bad that she wasnt replying to my texts and that I was waiting all day for her to text me back. I again adjusted and told her that I wont message her 1st from now on and she can msg me whenever she finds time. She agreed to it. After a week or so(we were texting very less now), she blocked me again in whatsapp and cellular number without any explaination. I messaged her on snapchat after a day and she replied that she didnt want any relation with me and had started talking to her ex and he didnt like her talking to me. I asked her to call me and clarify everything.

That night she called me and we talked for about an hour, first about normal things and then she told she wanted to be there for her ex as he was not able to clear exams to get a job. I asked her if she wanted to go back to a relationship with him, she said maybe. She told that they had been together in college for 2 years and they were kind of on a break, now she maybe wants to resume with him (she is herself confused many times what she wants). She had also told me earlier that she was in a strange phase right now where she doesnt want a relationship but find lots of guys attractive. She also reiterated that she found me the most attractive. I asked her why she wanted to go back to him when all he was interested in was physical stuff, she said he wasnt like that now and he had said sorry. Plus they talk normally and she doesnt have to give him that much time as she had to give me(I guess I was real clingy). I begged her(pathetic of me I know) to just keep talking to me as friends until she comes back but she said that her ex didnt like it and it would be like cheating him. I further asked her whats the point of dating him if you cant even marry him? She said that there was maybe 10% chance she is going to fight for their marriage(imagine how hurt I felt at that time). Now I am blocked from all her contacts, insta,whatsapp everything.

Really sorry for this long post but what happened? Her mood and feelings keep changing. She herself said she doesnt get attached easily but also said she was protecting herself from getting too attached to me as it was unlikely we would get married and she didnt want to have multiple boyfriends in her lifetime. I got soo attached to her that I have started taking depression meds. I still have hope that when she comes back, I would slowly win her over again. I also feel she cheated on me as she started talking to her ex when she went to training but also am aware of the fact that multiple time she told me she would be more comfortable staying friends. She also told me once that she would have treated me a lot better if hadnt fallen soo deeply in love with her. Thoughts guys, and pls be brutal.