[QCrit] Last Breath of Summer - Adult Horror/Thriller (60k - Second Attempt) + First 300 words.
Thank you for pointing me in a better direction. I have removed 90% of the old query, and rewrote everything using the suggestions.
Any feedback is welcome.
Dear Agent,
I present LAST BREATH OF SUMMER, a Horror/Thriller spanning 60,000 words. This novel follows three best friends on a cross-country road trip, as they embark on a dangerous journey to uncover the secrets hidden within Crestwood Manor. Think the best friend road trip elements from "Paper Towns" by John Green meets the horrifying eldritch world of "14" by Peter Clines.
After surviving a traumatic kidnapping by their childhood bully and seeing him imprisoned, Ethan Summers is faced with his mother's passing, inheriting her rare book collection. Among these novels is "Roses at the Emory," the only existing copy in the world, filled with tales of monsters, and mythical adventures.
As Ethan grows older, he senses his friends drifting apart and decides on one final adventure to find a fabled place from "Roses at the Emory": Crestwood Manor, which is said to harbor a river of liquid gold that can grant wishes. With their best friend bucket list, the group is off unaware of what lurks in the shadows, other than the recently released bully, who wants revenge.
In another city Morgan, seeking to escape her abusive parents, strikes a desperate deal with a demon for power, to escape her parents' abuse, in exchange for delivering 30 souls. But the closer she gets to her goal the more she realizes that with every kill she loses a part of her soul to the demon. She has to escape from the deal. When the group of friends cross paths with her, they have witnessed too much, and killing them is the only thing standing in the way of her freedom?
They discover that the chapters within "Roses at the Emory" are far from fiction. As they unavertly awaken an ancient eldritch plant goddess named Pandora, and the friends face an entity that desires to consume all souls on Earth. As the group of friends face a threat that endangers the very fabric of existence itself, they must unite against a common enemy.
Will they defy the odds and stop Pandora before it’s too late, or will they succumb to the entity's desire?
[Brief Bio] [Name] [Phone number]
First 300 words
TW: Animal Cruelty occurs.
PROLOGUE
Happy Birthday
Ethan could barely open his eyes, which seemed to roll back like they were trying to read his brain. The swelling on his face made it feel like an autumn plum, and his eyes seemed just ripe enough for the harvest. In truth, he felt like his eyes were begging to fall out of their sockets. His face was a mixture of red and purple bruises with a fresh dirt finish. His stomach growled, not from an empty stomach but from lingering pain. This was indeed a strange situation to have found himself in, but the weirdest part was that, for a moment, he had no clue why he was even here.
Attempting to move his arms and legs, he found himself unable to struggle.
A familiar shirtless back appeared in Ethan’s blurry vision. The pale-skinned man had a back riddled with a lifetime of scars: a constant reminder of mistakes his parents told him he made, even if he still didn’t understand them. The man faced the wall where the cries had come from. This man helped build this place. This was a man named Pinky, but he preferred to be called Wolf.
Ethan’s vision began to adapt to the poor lighting of the room. As he tried to talk, his tongue touched the sticky roll of duct tape covering his mouth. He saw Logan, a three- year-old chocolate Labrador he had been gifted after his mother had passed away a year ago. He noticed Logan wasn’t moving as he swayed helplessly from left to right, being held only by a rope attached to the ceiling.
Wolf chuckled, laughter of the utmost cruelty as if devoid of remorse or guilt. Ethan watched the blade struggle to tear through flesh; no sounds came from Logan, who