Need Advice

Note: apologies, but it's a bit long.

I'm a visiting instructor at a university in the States, teaching first year writing. I previously taught literature during grad school, but this has been my first year teaching full time at a university.

I try to be fair to my students while also maintaining my boundaries. For example, I don't take late work. I also don't allow AI use for any of my assignments. However, despite providing both verbal and written instructions so these expectations are clear, students assume there are exceptions. Moreso, even when asking the classes if there's any questions (even going so far as to go student by student during writing workshops to personally ask if they need help or clarity on the assignment), they say no and then proceed to email me late at night or on weekends - especially if it's something already explained in class or an hour before the due date.

I've also had trouble with tardiness and absences, despite these expectations being discussed as thoroughly as the assignments. Some students have even gone as far as complaining that they shouldn't have points docked on their Attendance and Professionalism Grades (5% each) because they don't arrive later than 15 minutes (these classes are 50 minutes).

I have spoken with colleagues who go through similar instances, but one thing I hear over and over whether it's from colleagues or social media is that "if you show you care for your students, they'll care about your class!"

Now perhaps I'm more pessimist-leaning, but I try to actively engage my students, meet them where they are, allow free range in terms of essay topics, and I still do not find that these tactics have been working as well as they as they say they do.

Also, I find that I care TOO much in fact. I get so excited to just read a student written essay with personality. Similarly, I am overcome with dread and disappointment when I have to break out the plagiarism reports. But when students are frequently not turning in major assignments or arriving to class 10 minutes late regularly, I've been having to tell myself that I can only care as much as they do.

I teach covid kids (obviously), a majority of them are freshman, and the subject is writing (I know, a killer combination). But on top of that, I'm younger (late 20s) and fem-presenting.

I've had students from last semester who I got along well with tell me that they like me as an instructor, but I'm "strict." I may be biased, but my expectations are quite literally rock-bottom, bare minimum: come to class on time, turn things in on time, follow directions, and be respectful. I personally don't see that as strict.

Essentially, my biggest questions in terms of advice are: am I crazy? Am I too strict? Is this just college kids being college kids? Are my demographics (younger/fem) playing a role? All of the above?

Also, how would you all define "care?" It seems my whole life has been swallowed by my job; I can barely take care of myself, let alone 130~ students. All my classes are back to back which means I don't even get lunch most days. How can I care for my students anymore than I do now without running myself into the ground?

I'm so tired (as we all are, I know), but any advice or kind words (or even constructive criticism!) would be well appreciated.

Note: I know this post is a bit vague, so if more information is needed, I'll give it!