After a 27 years, I think I'm 'cured'.

I just wanted to post (under throwaway) because today I walked into the bathroom and it was empty except for my boss at one of two urinals with no divider. In the past this situation would have been impossible for me because for me it's much worse if it's near someone you know that might chat with you, not to mention worrying about someone you know noticing you are just standing there. But I was able to just walk up to the other urinal and pee, and he did chat with me briefly as he finished and washed his hands. I did have airpods in, which probably helped. I don't know, I'm not going to say the pee-shyness will never happen again, I don't think you are every completely 'cured' of it. I mean if I had to be drug tested or something and I had an officer looking angrily over my shoulder I think I would definitely freeze up. But I'm 27 years old, and the past couple years have honestly been the first that I feel like I'm just living my life normally, without worrying about if I would be able to go to the bathroom. I know I can do it, because I've done it successfully enough times, now. I didn't realize how much it actually sucked having that anxiety, (and shame, from failing) all the time.

In the past few years I've succesfully done: airport, crowded bar with line behind (being super drunk is a cheat code though), rest rooms at tourist attractions, peeing outside (unusual locations were impossible for me), and now next to someone I know.

I know it sounds kinda.... weird, I guess but I'm sort of excited to go and pee in random restrooms, which I know is kind of gross. But I used to be on a long car ride and pull into one of those highway rest areas and just be walking toward the bathroom hoping none of the other guys I saw were headed that way at the same time. Which when you think about it is kind of just a crazy thing to be worried about. It just feels freeing to be on the other side of it.

I've literally been working on this for my whole life, it wasn't until my 20s that I started getting a little better, and could usually go at a urinal if the bathroom was empty, but even then sometimes not because I'd have anxiety about someone coming in before I was able to get it started, and so the cycle of anxiety would go.

So yeah, I hope this ends up helping someone instead of sounding like bragging. I just wanted to say you CAN do it, it is possible. Just keep working on it, keep trying, don't give up. Just ride your successes. When you walk into the bathroom think about the last time you did succeed, and realize that it means that you can do it this time, too. The only reason I was able to get better is because I just kept attempting it even though countless times I wouldn't be able to.