Does anyone else feel like this when online?

Hello I'm 17M if that helps. Whenever I'm browsing Twitter or some social media, even though I don't have any friends on there, everyone is having a good time. They're drawing art, achieving something cool in a game, enjoying their favorite characters and media, meanwhile I don't even have the motivation to post anything anywhere.

Everything is moving so fast too and there's too much going on life is madness, I need my stuff to last forever throughout all of this which is why I've taken the measurements of securing my accounts from every bad possibility 2 years ago, whilst also making it equally efficient, learning every nuance I could about cyber security. I could've had it good, everything was going great. I could've had it perfect, I could've finally lived my life and used technology to boost it as a valuable tool, but religious scrupulosity destroyed me over this past year, making me leave my religion (Christianity) forever in just a day, which led to existential and magical thinking OCD that made me delete my steam account, epic games account, and one of my main emails just so I could not think about it when in a public space and be able to function. I lost so much money, not to mention the time and memories attached to those games.

Now every time Im online just trying to explore the stuff I like, since I'm trying to cure depression and loneliness with nothing I want to do but just sit at home, since I can't play my games anymore and stuff, it's a constant reminder of what I used to have, could've had, but got rid of, and I'll never be able to get it back, ever. I need to dissociate from my environment and even then I can't escape the thoughts. It makes me so depressed that I can't deal with normal stuff in life. So much has happened to me in these past four months, I'm like a completely different person almost, and all this stress and depression has killed my memory so I can barely remember any of it, only the worst parts.

I've entered a deep depression. I can barely make it through the school day how am I going to talk to a girl or finally get my driver's license or get a job. I want to do all those things but I can't. I feel like such a disappointment and all I do is consume and consume and consume and I never produce anything, im in so much mental agony I can't even cry right now. I want to but I can't. I'm just trapped inside myself, and I feel sick to my stomach. I'm also extremely lonely I need someone to love but I cant love anyone until I fix myself and after deleting all that stuff I don't think I'll ever be fixed.

It just feels like I'm watching everyone else have fun while I sit and watch my life drain by, unprepared for everything. Everyone else is so motivated and can handle what should be just problems in life, but for me are like mountains because of the prison that my mind is. I hate that. I hate watching everyone else enjoy my hobbies or favorite characters while I sit there reminding myself of what I lost and the fun I can't have, the sense of community that was lost, and the thoughts and overwhelming self destructive guilt that caused me to delete my stuff. Why do I have to have this? It's this type of stuff that makes me think an entity beyond my comprehension is experimenting with me.

It's kind of hard not to regret what you did, when everywhere you go you hear or see all the fun things people are doing and accomplishing and you're not, all because of you. It's like I know what I could've been, I could see it on the horizon, but I know what caused my downfall too, and it was all my fault.