Had my first ride time today. Struggling with my emotions after the fact:

I had 5 calls on my first ride time day. a pretty good variety of patients: hypoglycemia from a combative pt in a nursing home, respiratory distress in a 5yo girl, knee injury, and head pain. the last two calls of the day have really been sticking with me.

my second to last call was a woman who had hurt herself pretty bad running after her toddler. she couldn’t stand on her own and was in a lot of pain. she was so kind and everytime the ambulance bumped and moved she winced and held her legs and it was just awful to see. i teared up a bit watching her in transport.

my last call was a woman who was having a severe headache and was in a lot of pain. she was sweating and crying and moaning. she threw up a lot at the end of the ride. what's been sticking with me the most was my preceptors reactions to her. they were irritated she even called. they mocked her behind her back and acted like she was dramatic and a waste of time and space. it was awful i was disgusted by their lack of empathy. even if she was being "dramatic" and just had a headache. i was encouraged to participate in dismissive commentary, which i did not do. on the way back from the hospital i was shaking from anger and disgust as listening to them talk up in the front of the truck. i just don't understand how you could act that way towards someone in pain. she clearly didn't want to be there. she didn't want to be stuck in the back of an ambulance throwing up and crying. she was scared. i know apathy is something you develop in a profession like EMS but im just shocked.

while on one hand im horrified at the lack of empathy by my preceptors, on the other hand part of me is scared that i'm going to be too emotionally invested in my patients and get myself hurt emotionally if i don't develop the same distancing from their pain. but i don't want to lose that ability to empathize that way. how do you find that balance ? is it just something that comes with time? how common is it for people to be like this in EMS ? in some ways my first ride time was very comforting that i know how to handle emergent situations and in other ways i’ve gotten really freaked out by everything. any advice/ comfort is much appreciated