(Update) My Partner Won’t Let Us Combo Feed

(TLDR;) Partner made me feel horrible for having PPD and is acting like this isn’t something a lot of women go through, and is playing cards with my mental health. We’re going to Couples Therapy.

Partner found my previous reddit post which ensued an argument. I explained how horrible my PPD is, how I’m not happy with breastfeeding, and again that I want to at least combination feed in order to help a little with my mental load during the hardest time of my life and that it’s affecting my bonding with baby—how I hesitate to feed him for a few minutes sometimes because I’m just so exhausted and miserable. How I’m having suicidal thoughts and fantasizing about dying to escape from this reality—he looks at me like I’m crazy and says I need to go to therapy and that he expects me to keep my word regarding our mutual interest in breastfeeding before getting pregnant; says that he’s disappointed I just want to take the easy way out. He said if I can make it to 6 months (August) then we could discuss it again, all while saying he appreciates everything I’m doing but the damage is done. I feel like an alien.

Little does he know, this is PPD! It’s a terrifying ride if ups and downs, and it’s very common for women to go through and women fucking die or harm themselves over it. I feel controlled, misunderstood, and manipulated into a corner that I’m trapped in until August.

Everyone I have talked to including friends and family imply or ask if I should/would leave him. My parents are divorced, so I don’t take separation lightly: I want my child to have a nuclear family which is why I’m doing everything in my power to keep us going. If I chose to do formula without his say, or seek out lactation suppression medication, then I would be crossing a line.. right? Right.. because that would be a choice made without him! In every other aspect of our relationship he is very supportive and my best friend, but when his ideals or opinions are challenged he is completely insufferable.

This strife about breastfeeding has opened my eyes to the many problems we have so we are going to Couples Therapy, for him mostly, to work on our relationship struggles. (But he said today that he is happy, so.. good for him? He doesn’t realize we’re seeking out therapy because of his behavior and doesn’t see anything wrong with the way he’s acting)