A shoutout to my hero.

I’m married to a covert. I’m stuck financially, because I’m retired, and I would be foolish to start from scratch. Also, we have military health insurance that pays what Medicare doesn’t. I’d lose that if I left.

We moved states during Covid. I quickly found a rotating group of friends who are neighbors while walking my dog. I became very close with one neighbor, who, as we became close, shared that she’d been horribly, physically abused by her first husband.

She left him, kids in tow, and married a man who was also probably a covert narc. He took care of her and her kids, but pretty much left all of the work to her. Not just the kids, but physically demanding home projects, while he sat and watched. He’d passed a few years before I met her, and I remember her telling me that while he was a good man for taking her in, their relationship was never loving or close. She didn’t miss him.

We’ve talked a lot about narcissism as we’ve walked. She’s a highly intelligent tough cookie, and I admire her more than I can put into words.

There was a day a few years ago, that she was helping me cut and bundle brush on our property line. I’d helped her do the same a couple of weeks before. My husband’s man cave is in the back of the house. He can clearly see what we’re doing, but he never offered to help these two women cutting down small trees with a chainsaw, cutting it into smaller pieces, and dragging it all a hundred feet to the curb. It was summer. In Florida.

At one point, he opens the sliding door, and makes what he thinks is some clever crack about the quality of our work. She didn’t miss a beat. She blurts out, “Hey! I don’t like your tone!” Slider closes, he retreats.

From that day forward, I’ve told her she’s my hero.

I’m on day number who gives a shit of silent treatment from my narc. Last week, my friend’s grandson died in a very tragic way. First time I’ve ever heard her voice crack or seen her cry. I’m absolutely gutted for her. I went to his celebration of life today. They had photos of him scrolling on a TV. Never met him, but so clearly he was fun, funny, full of life, and I saw even more how dearly it must hurt to lose him.

All that pain she’s going through, and she texts me later this afternoon, “Thank you for just being you.”

And the only thing I could reply was, “Thank you for being the hero I never knew I needed.”

This is my very long-winded way of saying if you’re stuck, if you’re hurting, find your tribe if you can. You may not have love inside your four walls, but there are people who understand. That’s what this sub is, and I’m equally grateful for all of you here.

You’re all heroes, even if you don’t know it.